18 “But they all alike began to make excuses.
Luke 14:18
Like these guys in Luke, we have let daily life keep us from going to the big banquet that Jesus has laid out for us. They were too busy. So are we. We are too busy to read God’s Word, to Pray, or to Worship Him every day.
Jesus was talking to one of the leaders of most religious among His culture at that time, the Pharisees. He talked to them about making excuses. Wow!
Excuses are a way of life for us. We hear them everywhere we go. Nearly every conversation we have with one another contains an excuse for something that we thought we should do but didn’t and what our “reason” aka excuse was. (This is a habit that tells others, especially men, that they can take advantage of us. This topic will be another day)
We deny they are excuses and call them reasons. We get very offended if someone doesn’t accept our excuse. We women have become so good at it that we have felt the need to make excuses for other people such as our children, husband’s and other family members.
The pop psychologists have driven this culture with the idea that we need to understand the why’s behind behavior. Although this may be true, we rarely hear what to do about it. Often, the behavior has been blamed on parents or spouses.
This has given women a false sense of guilt and an over burdening sense of responsibility that they should control everything about their kids and spouses.
This, in turn, gives the excused person a pass. Now, they are no longer to blame. Mom or the wife just took responsibility, the balme, for it. (Blaming is anothe topic too.it is a habit and not necessary) Women are caring loving creatures and will accept this willingly.
The problem comes when two things happen.
- The behavior continues because there has been no consequence.
- Women get burden down because we are each only equipt for our own responsibility. We physically can not carry the responsibility of others. Only Jesus could do that.
Those of us who are over 45 or so remember that our parents did not make excuses for us. The mistakes we made were our own. They did not coddle us or try to make us feel better. They let us feel the consequences. If we made a decision contrary
to their rules or advice that was on us, not them.
We may decide that that was too harsh; we want to “save” others from that fate. It seems noble, but like those guys in Luke in the story, Jesus told. Their excuse can cause them to miss the big banquet Jesus has laid out for us.
Making an excuse or covering up for someone else takes away their opportunity to learn.
The only way to learn is to have consequences. Excuses take their consequences and put them back on us.
Our parents’ generation did not feel responsible for our mistakes. They let us sit in it. We all wish we had been given more guidance on how to get through it, but would we have listened or even had ears to hear?
We first started thinking about this excuse problem when in a hotel elevator in Kalispell, Montana. A boy about nine years old had been running up and down the hall. David, who always has an instant repore with kids, said to the boy. So, you are the one running in the hall waking us up.”
The boy smiled proudly. He has accomplished his goal.
The mother lied and said it wasn’t him. He has still been asleep. The boy said. “No I wasn’t, Mom, it was me.” He looked at her puzzled.
Here, she had a learning opportunity. She could have apologized and had her kid apologize and show him that his behavior affects others. Instead, she doubled down and taught him how to lie.
We have often pondered that situation. Why lie, make excuses, cover up? We didn’t know her. We would never see her again. Why do it?
Apparently, she could not stand blame falling on her.
Since that day, we have noticed countless examples of this among American women.
Ladies, it is OK to mess up. Jesus has us covered. We will not implode if we are not perfect. I know that it feels that way at the time. We need to find a way to give our men of all ages their own responsibility.
I love the line in the movie “The 300” The Spartan queen was sending her husband off to war. The odds were heavily against them. She told him to come back with his shield or on it. She intended him to win or die. Nothing else. When did we start caring south about life that we no longer cared about the souls of our men young and old. We must draw the line. Like it or not we women have always been the one to draw the line of civilization. Men would still be living in caves. Lol
Let’s stop masking excuses for others. Let others learn responsibility and teach them how to handle it. We all need our own autonomy, especially men, even at age 9. Let’s learn to accept emotional responsibility for ourselves and let others have their responsibility autonomy. Trust them, they will suprise you.
