Are you tormented by reoccurring guilt feelings from something that happened in your past? You are not alone. I heard someone say that women had a guilt gene and men didn’t. To explore why is a different blog. The important thing is how to stop the inappropriate guilt and show how it is self-destructive and unnecessary.
This morning reading in Act 10, I gained a deeper understanding of the outlook we need to have if we really understand and accept the salvation of Jesus Christ. In this passage Peter is praying and he is very hungry. I’m sure you know the feeling. During his prayer he sees a vision of something like a large sheet with various animals lowered down in front of him. He heard a voice from the heavens say to kill one of the animals and eat. Peter responded that the animals there were not clean, meaning by Jewish law he could not eat the animals because they were deemed unclean. Then the voice spoke again saying,
“‘Do not call something unclean if God has made it clean.’ The same vision was repeated three times. Then the sheet was suddenly pulled up to heaven.”
Acts 10:15-16 NIV
As soon as this vision was over Peter had a servant of the Roman officer, Cornelius, asked to him come to the house of Cornelius as was shown to him in a vision. When Peter arrived at the home of Cornelius,
“Peter told them, “You know it is against our laws for a Jewish man to enter a Gentile home like this or to associate with you. But God has shown me that I should no longer think of anyone as impure or unclean. So, I came without objection as soon as I was sent for. Now tell me why you sent for me.”
Acts 10:28-29
After this Peter teaches Cornelius and his household the Gospel. They are the first non-Jewish people to learn about the Gospel and receive the Holy Spirit.
For the longest time I thought this passage was about food. Learning more about Jewish culture I realized that it was about the Gospel being opened up to the gentiles. Basically, us. All of us believers who are not Jewish. But that scripture tells us so much more. It says
“Do not call something unclean if God has made it clean.”
The Lord declares you clean once you believe and repent of your sins.
You are clean as declared by God. At this point guilt needs to be stopped and forgotten on anything that happened before. This is where faith comes in. God does not do things that are fair. None of us deserve salvation. He chooses to forgive us because of the sacrifice Jesus made on our behalf. When you believe that Jesus died for your sins and your sins are forgiven. This is when you exercise your faith to keep that feeling of being forgiven. The enemy, the dark side, wants you to stay in bondage and feeling guilty is a very effective way of keeping good people from achieving their heavenly mission in this life. If you stay feeling unworthy you will not go for it. Whatever your calling may be.
If you continue feeling guilt it could be caused by one of three factors.
1. Habit
We are so used to thinking about that incident and feeling a certain way we continue out of habit and routine. This requires discipline to truth to stop. Every time you think of that event immediately replace that thought with the memory of your Baptism or that moment when you first believed you were saved by the grace of Jesus. If your Baptism was when you were too young to remember maybe it is time to get baptized again or renew your declaration of faith that you believe in the saving grace of Jesus Christ and the remission of your sins. Then when these feelings of guilt arise replace them with the feeling of redemption, cleansed by the blood of Jesus. Sing one of your favorite praise songs like the song “White as Snow” or “Amazing Grace”.
2. Others Projecting Guilt on You
Someone is projecting the guilt feelings on you. Perhaps someone reminds you of your past and doesn’t want to let you get on with being happy. It is time to reject this and remind the person and yourself that you have been forgiven and have moved on to live in faith through His grace.
One common form of psychological abuse is for the abuser to do something and then blame it on the abused causing guilt and shame. If you think that you did something wrong then that person can use this to their advantage furthering and fostering an abusive relationship. If you have had this kind of an abusive relationship in the past chances are you still use guilt ridden language. These doubt words can signal to an abuser that he could start an abusive relationship anew. How we speak to ourselves and others is essential for us to have healthy relationships with ourselves and others. Practice speaking to yourself and others without doubting. If someone asked you a question you do not have to answer immediately unless you know what the answer is. Tell them that you will think about it and get back to them. Then give yourself a chance to make a decision that you will be happy with. Remember to think about what you want not just what you think the other person would want you to say. This gets you into an endless cycle of self doubt and shows up as a lack of confidence.
The other consequence of harboring old guilt is a sense of defensiveness. Women especially can come across as defensive. I have seen female news anchors get defensive on national television. We do not need to explain our actions. Let our decisions speak for themselves. It is a fine line between being a nurturer and a pleaser. We want to come across as nurtures not pleasers. To do this we must remember that we are forgiven every second of every day. We have no more explaining to do. We are free. By God’s declaration we are worthy because Jesus has chosen to shares His Glory with us. Therefore we are worthy.
Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Romans 8:17
We know these things because we learn them from the Word of God, the sword of the spirit. The only defense comes from the Word. Read something from the Bible especially the letters of Paul in the New Testament every day. This will teach you more about how the salvation of Jesus works. The Bible is often called the “Living Word of God” because different meanings stand out to you each time you read. So even if you have read something you may get a different message out of reading it again like I did in re-reading and re-reading Acts chapter 10. Paul talks about the Word of God being a sword.
Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Ephesians 6:17
This is so cool. When I first realized that the Word of God was a Sword I was excited. I also realized that I was far far from being an expert on the Word. I began educating myself by reading the Bible everyday and looking things up on the internet, praying and meditating on things that I did not understand. I came to realize that this is the only way that we can fight against false teachings and those within every church and denomination that would control us for their own personal benefit. We must be awake and on the watch for teachings that do not line up with the Word of God. So today, lay down guilt and take up the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
3. You may not feel worthy of salvation
That is natural because none of us are. This is where you use your understanding of the plan of salvation to humbly feel gratitude to Jesus. Swap your guilt for gratitude. Watch how your mind set shifts. Make a list of 10 things you are grateful for every time your guilt shows its ugly head. You will soon see how much are your loved and how much you are blessed. When changing any habit we are often told that if we eliminate something such as eating doughnuts every morning we must replace it with something else such as fruit or granola. Guilt thoughts are tough to eliminate, especially if they are on auto-repeat, if they are not replaced with something positive. Some 20 years ago when I was constantly bombarded with the “should of” syndrome. My husband would constantly tell me not to look back to the past. But how? I decided to trade guilty “should of” wallowing for diving for joy, walking and the present moment. I pulled out that an old copper bracelet that I have had since high school. It was an interweaving design of 10 links around. Daily as I walked I found something I was grateful for that day in the present for each of those 10 links. It forced my mind to think about something knew. Something now rather than something in the past. My body chemistry started to change with each new gratitude thought. It was harder than I thought it was going to be. I had one rule. I could not repeat the things that I was grateful for. I had to come up with new ones. This turned out to be a tremendously joyous exercise. By the time I was finished I was exhilarated, joyful and hopeful. Some days I had trouble thinking of things. I ended up being grateful for bananas and petunias. That is OK because I don’t think we give bananas or petunias enough credit. They need love too. 🙂 But seriously, we take a lot for granted when we live such blessed lives. Our guilty thoughts are such a waste of our time if we have already dealt with them years ago. Look around and see what you are grateful for today, tomorrow and the next day. You will be so glad that you did.
If your feelings of torment affect your ability to perform you daily activities you may need to seek counseling or professional help. If you believe that it is a new routine that you need. Check out the “Get your Bearings” series on this blog. It will provide you with the tools you need to overcome feelings of guilt and everything else you may experience.
You may be wondering “Why bother? Who cares what I think about when I am in my car by myself. I don’t.” First of all God cares. He wants you to live a happy and joyful life as he intended for you. If you continue in your guilt pattern you may miss you salvation all together. Imagine being so worried about something that you sabotage it. As Paul put it in Philippians:
Work out your own salvation.
Philippians 2:12
Your guilt feelings can also lead to depression, stress and anxiety. All of those conditions affect your health negatively. You could get ulcers, migraine head aches, unexplained high blood pressure, panic attacks among other health problems. Then you will feel guilty that you ruined your health feeling guilty. Your guilty self talk not only makes you feel bad but may lure abusive people into your life. So today, clear the fog of your past. Stop looking back. Fill your mind with gratitude, joyful present moment thoughts. If you do you are building a bridge to great joy ahead.
